Learn from Zen! Ways to improve your relationships

It’s hard to spend time with someone I don’t like 。。。

I have a habit of caring about others, so I can’t see my friends relaxed.

I’m afraid of my boss, so I can’t work with confidence! I want to quit!

Speaking of human relations, I think each person has their own worries. However, it’s a shame to spend your precious time feeling bad about such negative feelings.

When something happens, you feel bad because you think, “I hate it.”.

That’s why it’s important to have a different perspective and a different way of looking at things.

People are beautiful when they are not perfect

In Zen and tea ceremony, not everything is required to be clean and perfect.

It is a way of thinking that it is beautiful because there are good parts and bad parts from the back and the front.

This is called “asymmetry”.

Of course, there are many ways of thinking, but no one is perfect.

People who are often praised by others as “He’s perfect!” may actually have a problem.

You may have an inferiority complex in yourself, but there are good points instead.

It is only when there is light and shadow that it shines.

First, don’t blame yourself. That’s part of it, but including that, it’s okay! Let’s think.

Question one’s own common sense and rules

You should have more friends, accept any kind of job, and be kind to others all the time.

The common sense and rules that I think of as “I know you’re thinking,”.

If you think you’re a little too formal, try doubting the opposite.

You don’t have to have friends, you can work with customers, you don’t have to worry about people all the time.

When you think about it that way, there are people who think the same thing unexpectedly.

Even if you break the rules and common sense, you may not have any problems.

This freedom from rules and frameworks is called “secularism” (Datsuzoku).

The interesting thing is that by being obsessed with such common sense and rules, you are strangling yourself.

For example, at the previous company, Mr. A had a relationship with Mr. B, who was his partner, and undertook a cheap and high-quality job.

Mr. A thought, “You’ve been a great help to me before, and I’ll do anything to help you improve your skills!”.

He immediately replied to me, “Yes! I’ll do it!” and even sacrificed himself for his work.

Get rid of one’s insecurity and obsession, as one does not compare with others or those around one

Zen has the words “silent delusion” . This means not to be too paranoid.

For example, it’s better to have more friends, so you have to participate in every play.

No one likes him at the meeting unless he is always smiling and in a good mood.

Thinking like that is also a delusion. You don’t have to have friends in the first place. And you don’t have to participate in every play.

You don’t have to smile every time you get together and be in a good mood.

That’s right. They create the anxiety of “I have to.” by themselves.

You don’t have to compare yourself with anyone. You don’t have to believe what someone is saying, and you don’t have to worry about what makes you uncomfortable.

It is you who can control your mind.

You don’t have to lie about yourself and live for someone else

Quitting looking big or showing a lie is called “simplicity” (Kanso) in Zen language.

This is very simple. It is better to leave out the useless things and do as they are. That’s the teaching.

For example, you don’t really like to cook, but you have to be a good cook to get high marks from the opposite sex.

Otherwise you can’t fall in love or get married. Therefore, they pretend to be good at cooking to the opposite sex they like.

If your partner asks you to be a good cook for a long time after you get married, it will surely make you suffer.

And you may get tired of lying and take it out on them.

The fastest way to stay happy is simply to be honest with yourself.

If someone leaves, it’s okay. Please be your best ally.



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